Hey man, can I get an OZ of Bioshock Infinite? You know I’m good for it…
Jason Collins is the first gay NBA player, but here are some that I think are going to come out next.
Internet Finds Boston Bomber, Rewarded With CISPA
After an unprecedented showing of collaboration and crowd sourcing, the Internet came together after the Boston Marathon bombings to help identify and lead police to the two suspects. “It was truly a beautiful example of how technology and social media are changing our society,” says bill sponsor Rep. Dutch Ruppersberger, “we’re very excited to announce that we’re going limiting people’s privacy on the Internet with CISPA.”
The Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act (CISPA) is well on its way to allowing the federal government warrantless searching abilities to your private files, as a way of saying “thank you” for the indispensible help Internet users provided in the detaining of a suspect of a terrorist act.
“The Internet did a great job pooling their resources together and helping the FBI locate and identify the Boston Bombers in mere hours using personal photos and videos;” explains FBI special agent Russel DeLacourd, “We’re thrilled that we will be making this type of thing easier by having access to these files without their knowledge.”
In the face of an unclaimed bombing, and as the news networks bumbled leads and created misinformation, the Internet collectively rose to the challenge of scanning through personal photos and videos looking for any clues that might help lead law enforcement in the right direction. “We’re just happy we were able to help,” shares Reddit user Rumplebum, “and, hey, if they want to reward us with some kind of accolade or personally invasive law that limits our liberties, that’s cool too.”
“We’re very grateful,” imparts DeLacourd, “I wish we knew the best way to show our gratitude to the Internet. And thanks to CISPA, we’re about to spend plenty of man hours going through their personal files and documents to find it out.”**
**Note: This is satirical. It is not a real news article. I mean, this is what is happening on the Internet right now, and the events did take place. But the names and quotations are fake. Except for the name of the guy who sponsored CISPA. That’s his real name. Some things you can’t make up.
